サウスパークで学ぶ英語

s13e05 Fishstics

Pocket

ジミーが考えたジョークを無意識的に自分のものにしようとするカートマンと、そのジョークが理解できずにネタにされてしまうカニエ・ウエストの騒動の話です。カートマンのエゴに改めて驚かされる回です。


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 [South Park, day. Cartman is walking over to Jimmy’s house. He enters the house eating chips. Jimmy is working on new jokes]
Cartman: Hey Jimmy, what are you up to? [closes the door and walks up to Jimmy]
よう 何してる?
Jimmy: Oh, hey Eric. I was just trying to write some new jokes for my comedy [chokes up] …rou-routine.
やぁエリック。新しいネタ書こうとしてた・・・んだ。
Cartman: Yeah well, ya wanna do somethin’? I wanted to hang out with Stan and Kyle, but they’re all pissed off at me for somethin’ so I have to hang out with you.
スタン達なんかおいらに起こっててよ。だからお前と遊んでやるよ。
Jimmy: Sorry Eric, but I really need to work, very much. I haven’t written a good joke in over a week.
悪いけど。僕これやんなきゃ。一週間以上いいねた書いてないんだ。
Cartman: [heads to the sofa and lays down on his back] Alright, well maybe I can help you, you know, we can totally write some stuff together.
よし手伝ってやる。一緒にできんだろ。
Jimmy: Oh, well, sure. I’ve never really tried working with a partner, but let’s give it a sho- a sh- a-sh, a-sh, shotaroosky. Let’s see… I was workin’ on this: Why does a squirrel swim on its back? To keep his -nuts dry.
そうね。僕今まで組んでしようとしたことなかったけど、やってみよ・・・よ・・・ようかん。えっと、雨の中、刑事が股間を抑えて犯人を追っていました。タマが濡れないように。
Cartman: [while munching] No, that’s not that funny. Let’s try something else.
だめ、つまらん。他のやつ。
Jimmy: Ahb. A fireman and a p-p-Polack are eating marshmallows when-
えー、消防士とポーランド人がマシュマロを
Cartman: No, no. Polacks aren’t that funny dude. Try somethin’ else. [Jimmy sighs and throws away a sheet of jokes. Hours later there are many more sheets on the floor]
だめだめ。ポーランド人がつまんね。他のやつ。
Jimmy: …So the Pope says, “What are you, a stinking e-evolutionist?”
・・・でローマ法王が言った「お前臭い進化論者か?
Cartman: Meh. [Jimmy tosses away another crumpled sheet]
だめ
Sarah: Here’s some fruit, boys. [sets the plate down by Jimmy] Better for you than potato chips. Oh Jimmy, look out, there’s a black widow! [pulls out a newspaper from under Jimmy’s desk and smashes the spider with it]
はいフルーツよ。ポテトチップスよりいいわよ。あっ!あぶないクロゴケグモよ。
Jimmy: Wow, thanks Mom. [she turns and walks away] You might have saved my life.
ありがとママ。命を救ってくれた。
Cartman: Dude, if I’m trying to be creative, I can’t eat fruit. Doesn’t your mom have something more substantial to eat?
フルーツなんかじゃ想像力が働かねぇ。もっとましな食い物ねぇのか?
Jimmy: You can check the freezer. There might be some frozen fishsticks or somethin’, if you like fishsticks. [gets an idea, indicated by a small bell]
冷蔵庫見てきたら?フィッシュスティックとかあるかも。好き?
Cartman: Yeah, I like fishsticks.
あぁ好きだ
Jimmy: Wait a minute. Fishsticks… Fish. Dicks. [now he writes the joke excitedly] Ohmigod! It’s so obvious. How did I never think of it before? [Cartman looks at him, then sits up]
まてよ。フィッシュスティック。魚のちんこ。なんで今まで思いつかなかったんだ!
Cartman: What, dude, you got something?
何か思いついたか?
Jimmy: Alright, just run with me on this, Eric. Say Eric, do you like fishsticks?
よし!やってみるよ。フィッシュスティックは好き?
Cartman: Yeah.
あぁ
Jimmy: You like putting fishsticks in your mouth?
フィッシュスティックほおばるの好き?
Cartman: Yeah.
あぁ
Jimmy: Well what are you, Eric? A gay fish?
じゃ何。君はゲイフィッシュ?
Cartman: [thinks through the joke] Fish dicks! Aw dude, that’s funny as shit! I think we’re really onto something here. Let’s try it out on the guys.
フィッシュディック。あぁ!くそおもしれぇ!これまじ行けると思うぞ!他の奴らに試そう!
[South Park Elementary, day. The bell rings and the boys are in the hall. Clyde is putting some books away in his locker when Cartman rounds the corner with three other guys: Jimmy, Kenny and Butters]
Butters: Ohoho, there’s Clyde. Do it to Clyde.
あ、クライドがいた!やろう!
Jimmy: Yeah yeah, let’s do it to Clyde.
うん、クライドにやろう
Cartman: Okay okay, shushushuh, okay, shush, check it out. Uh hey there Clyde.
よし!しっ!しっ!見てろよ。やぁクライド
Clyde: Hey.
よう
Stan: [walks up to the other guys] What’s going on?
どうした?
Butters: Eric and Jimmy came up with the funniest joke ever.
エリックとジミーが最高のジョーク作ったの
Cartman: Say Clyde, do you like fishsticks?
で、クライド。フィッシュ・スティックは好き?
Clyde: Yes. [Butters covers his mouth to stifle a laugh]
あぁ
Cartman: Do you like to put fishsticks in your mouth?
フィッシュ・スティック ほおばるの好き?
Clyde: Yes. [Butters covers his mouth to stifle a laugh]
あぁ
Cartman: [points to Clyde with both index fingers] What are you, Clyde? A gay fish?
じゃ何お前、ゲイ・フィッシュ?
Butters: [runs up to Cartman and Clyde] HA you saiid you like fishsticks in your mouth; that makes you a gay fish! [Cartman laughs. Butters soon joins him. Clyde just smiles sheepishly, knowing that’s a good joke. Token walks into view and Cartman runs to him. Clyde grins]
フィッシュ・ディック 口に入れるの好きって言ったら、ゲイ・フィッシュになるんだ!
Cartman: Token, Token, got a question for you: [clears his throat] Token, do you like fishsticks?
トークン、トークン、質問がある。トークン、フィッシュ・スティック好き?
Token: Fishsticks? Yeah, I guess so. [Butters begins to giggle]
フィッシュスティック?あぁ、そうね。
Cartman: [motions to Butters to keep quiet for now] Shh shh shh shh Butters Butters. [back to Token] You you like putting fishsticks in your mouth?
しっ!しっ!フィッシュ・スティックほおばるの好き?
Token: Yes.
あぁ
Cartman: What are you?
じゃ何お前
Butters, Cartman: A gay fish? [Cartman laughs first, then Butters]
ゲイフィッシュ?
Butters: Hey look, there’s Kevin Stoley! [runs towards the unseen voice] Hey Kevin, do you like fishsticks? [A hot new joke is born.]
見てケビンだ。ねぇケビン!フィッシュ・スティック好き?
[Mr. Mackey’s office. Garrison peeks in…]
Mr. Garrison: Hey, hey Mackey? Do you like fishsticks?
ね・・ねぇ、マッケイ!フィッシュ・スティック好き?
Mr. Mackey: Fishsticks? Yeah, I l- I like fishsticks, m’kay?
フィッシュ・スティック?すきだよンケイ
[At South Park Market]
Stephen: Oh hey Peterson, buying fishsticks, I see.
ピーターソン、フィッシュスティック買ったな?
Peterson: Yeah, I like fishsticks.
あぁ好きなんだ。
Stephen: What are you, Peterson? A gay fish? [everyone laughs]
じゃ何お前、ゲイ・フィッシュ?
[The Jimmy Kimmel Show]
Announcer: And now, here he is! Jimmy Kimmel! [the studio audience cheers as he goes onstage]
それでは登場。ジミー・キンメル!
Jimmy Kimmel: Alright, hey, how are we all feelin’ tonight? [the audience quiets down] So uhhh, let me ask the guys in the audience a question. Do you like fishsticks?
皆さん、ごきげんいいかがかな。それじゃ、観客の皆さんに質問いいかな。フィッシュ・スティック好き?
The Guys: Yes.
はい
Jimmy Kimmel: Huh. What are you, gay fish? [everyone laughs]
じゃ何あなた、ゲイ・フィッシュ?
[The Late Show with David Letterman]
David Letterman: And so uhhh, hay Paul, do you like fishsticks, Paul?
それじゃ、ポール。フィッシュ・スティック好き?
Paul Shaffer: Uhhh, sure?
あー、もちろん
David Letterman: What are you, Paul, a gay fish? [everyone cracks up over it. Someone in the audience keels over the balcony. Letterman tosses away his notes]
じゃ何あなた、ゲイ・フィッシュ?
[The Tonight Show with Jay Leno]
Jay Leno: So apparently more and more Americans are eating fishsticks. Have you seen this? Have you read about this? Loving fishsticks, kinda makes me wonder, you know? What is everybody, a gay fish? [the studio audience roars with laughter and two men in the front row fall off their chairs and throw up.]
アメリカ人がよりいっそうフィッシュ・スティックを食べてるようだね。フィッシュ・スティック好きなんだな。じゃ何みんなはゲイ・フィッシュ?
[Another talk show, but without a studio audience]
Tom Snyder: It is quite possibly the funniest joke over conceived, and its origin is unknown. The fishsticks joke crosses all border, all races, all ages and ethnic groups and is slowly uniting our country. In fact, the only person who appears to not get the joke is rapper Kanye West, who becomes furious when people use the joke on him.
それはもしかすると考えられた中で最高のジョークであり、その考案者は不明。フィッシュ・スティック・ジョークは人種・世代・民族全ての境界線を越え、国を結びつけています。実際、そのジョークを理解していないと思われる唯一の人物、ラッパーのカニエ・ウエスト。彼にこのジョークを使うと激怒します。
Kanye: Yo, that is messed up, yo! I am not gay, and I sure as hell ain’t no fish! Alright?!
めちゃくちゃなんだYO!俺はゲイじゃねぇ!そして確実に魚じゃねぇ、いいな?
Tom Snyder: You. Really. Don’t. Get it.
君は本当にわかっていない?
Kanye: Hey man, I’m a genius, alright?! I’m the most talented musician in the world! If I was a homosexual, or a fish, I would know!
ヘイメーン、俺は天才なの。世界で最も才能のあるミュージシャンだ。もし俺がホモで魚なら自分でわかる。
Tom Snyder: You’re a rapper.
君はラッパー
Kanye: Yes.
そうだ。
Tom Snyder: An entrepreneur.
音楽プロデューサー
Kanye: Yes.
そうだ
Tom Snyder: And you like fishsdicks.
フィッシュ・ディックが好き
Kanye: Yes.
そうだ
Tom Snyder: You’re a gay fish.
ならゲイ・フィッシュ
Kanye: No! I am not no gay fish!
違う!俺はゲイフィッシュじゃない!
Tom Snyder: Just gay?
ただのゲイ。
Kanye: I’m not gay and I’m not a fish! Man!
俺はゲイじゃないし、魚でもないメーン!
Tom Snyder: [this time goes through joke one step at a time] You are male?
君は男性?
Kanye: Damn right I’m male.
男だろうが
Tom Snyder: A male that like fish dicks.
男でフィッシュディックが好き
Kanye: Yeah, I like fishsticks
あぁ、好きだ。フィッシュ・スティック
Tom Snyder: You like to put fish dicks in your mouth.
フィッシュ・ディックを頬張るのが好き?
Kanye: Yeah.
あぁ
Tom Snyder: You’re a gay fish.
ならゲイ・フィッシュ
Kanye: Alright, that does it! I’m gonna kick your motherfuckin’ ass! [stands up pushes him off his chair]
もうキレた!ぶっ飛ばしてやるこん畜生!
[South Park Elementary, day. The kids are having lunch in the school cafeteria. Stan and Kyle sit opposite each other this time.]
Cartman: And then it was on Leno and the Jimmy Kimmel show! Dude, that’s our joke on national television.
そしたらレノとジミー・キンメルの番組だ。おいら達のジョークが全国放送だぜ。
Kyle: We know, Cartman!
みんな知ってる。
Cartman: Nya nya nya nya nyaaa nya! We are comedy writers and you guys aren’t! Ha ha ha ha haaa ha! Jimmy, I’ve been thinking: We’ve got to patent the fishsticks joke.
ニャニャニャニャニャーニャ、おいら達考案者、お前ら違う。ハハハハハーハ。ジミー、フィッシュ・スティック・ジョークの特許取るぞ
Jimmy: P-patent?
特許?
Cartman: Yeah dude, there’s lots of people out there using our joke on their shows. We should be getting compensated.
そうだ。いろんな奴らが番組で使ってるんだ報酬が支払われるべきだろ。
Jimmy: Well, Eric, th-that’s really not how jokes work. I mean, you know, we should just be… happy that the joke is so popular and made a lot of people laugh.
エリック、ジョークでそんな事はだめだよ。つまりジョークってのは人を笑わせて楽しませたりするもんだよ。
Cartman: Dude, fuck that! Maybe you were writing jokes for people’s amusement, but I don’t work for free. I’m gonna talk to a lawyer so we get what’s coming to us! [smiles, takes his tray and walks away]
知るかよ!お前はそういうつもりでもオイラはただ働きしないの。支払われるよう弁護士と話してくる。
Kyle: Jimmy, exactly what part of the fishsticks joke did Cartman write?
ジミー、あのジョークのどこをカートマンが考えた?
Jimmy: Well, he didn’t actually… write any of it. He just uh…
その・・・どこも・・っていうか・・彼はただ・・
Kyle: Let me guess: you wrote the joke, and Cartman just laid on the couch eating Twizzlers.
こうだろ?お前がジョーク考えてあいつはソファーで寝て菓子食ってた。
Jimmy: Actually it was potato chips.
ポテトチップスね
Kyle: I knew it! Don’t let that fat turd walk all over you, Jimmy! Stand up for yourself!
やっぱりな、あのデブウンコにいいようにされるな、主張しろ!
Jimmy: W-well, I-I mean he, he was in the room.
そ・・その、彼は部屋にいてさ
Craig: Then just give him half.
じゃ、半分権利やれ。
Kyle: What?
え?
Craig: I like you Jimmy, but you’re not gonna win this. Consider yourself lucky he’s only asking for half.
お前は好きだ、でも勝ち目がねぇ。やつ相手に半分で済んでよかったと思え。
Kyle: Craig, if Cartman didn’t do anything, then he doesn’t deserve any of the credit!
クレイグ、何もしていないんだから、あいつには何の権利もない。
Craig: Yep. And if I had wheels, I’d be a wagon.
あぁ、豚の耳に念仏だろ。
Kyle: No dude, screw that! Jimmy, if Cartman didn’t write the joke, then definitely don’t sign any patent papers with him! Just say “Cartman, you didn’t have anything to do with this joke and you know it!”
ダメだ!ジミー、奴が何も考えてないなら、特許のサインは一緒にするな。そして言え「お前はこのジョークに何の関係もないだろ!」ってな
Craig: Just give him half.
半分、やるだけ。
[Kanye speaks to a group of reporters at a conference somewhere]
Kanye: There are a lot of people out there making up rumors about me that are malicious and untrue. But I’m going to prove once and for all: I’m not a fish. Because I am a genius, I’ve ascertained that fish have gills. [a doctor steps up next to him] Doctor, do I have gills?
悪意を持って俺に対する嘘の噂を流してる奴らがたくさんいる。俺がきっちり証明してやる俺は魚じゃないと。俺は転載だから、魚にはエラがあることを突き止めた。先生、俺にエラはあるか?
Doctor: He does not have gills.
彼にエラはありません。
Kanye: You hear that? No gills! So I can’t be a fish. And I’m a genius voice of a generation so I’m not gay! So that is that! Alright?! It’s over! Now are there any questions?
聞いたろ?エラはない、だから魚じゃない。そして俺は世紀の天才歌手だからゲイじゃない、以上!いいな?もう終わり。じゃ質問は?
Reporter 1: Do you like fishsticks?
フィッシュ・ディックは好き?
Kanye: Love ’em!
大好き?
Reporter 2: You’re a gay fish. [a third reporter laughs and soon the rest of the room is laughing]
じゃゲイ・フィッシュだ。
Kanye: No I’m not- AAAARGH! [grabs the sides of the podium and shakes with anger]
ちが!俺は・・・だあぁぁ!!
[Late Night with Conan O’Brien]
Conan O’Brien: Alright, recently… Recently we’ve all come to know the fishsticks joke as probably the funniest, most awesome joke ever, but who originally came up with it? Well here’s your answer. Joining us tonight, the brains behind the incredible fishsticks joke, the one and only Carlos Mencia.
最近、みなさんはフィッシュ・スティック・ジョークが一番おもしろく最高だと知ることとなりました。でも、それは誰が考えたのか?答えはここに。フィッシュ・スティック・ジョークの考案者。唯一無二の人、カルロス・メンシア!
Carlos Mencia: [dancing in his seat] Yeheah, Vive la Mexico!
いぇー!ヴィヴェラ・メヒコー!
Conan O’Brien: So Carlos, you’ve got a show on Comedy Central, a stand-up tour, where did you have time to come up with this classic joke?
でカルロス、君はコメディ・セントラルの番組でお笑いツアー中だけど、どこで思いついたの?
Carlos Mencia: Well you know I just kicking it with my homies and my brain, you know, my brain is always so full of ideas ’cause I’m so fonny and stuff, so I was just all like, “”Hey, Papito, you like fishsticks?” And my homeboy says “Yeah Carlos” you know, “you’re so funny!” And then it just occurred to me. I said, “Oh man, you must be a gay fish, homes!” [the studio audience roars with laughter, and he begins to dance in his seat again] And this is how I came up with it, my amigos! [Conan claps. Cartman, looking at the show on TV, is pissed off]
ダチとたむろってたら、オラの脳みそがさ、オラ面白いから脳みそアイデアいっぱいだべ。んで「ヘイ、パピート!フィッシュ・スティックは好き?」ダチに言うたら「あぁ、お前面白いな」ってよ。んだら「お前ゲイ・フィッシュに違げぇねぇ」ってよ。こうやって出来ただよ、アミーゴ。
Cartman: [shakes with rage, then turns left and walks away] Motherfucker!
あほんだらが!
[South Park Elementary, day. Cartman runs up to Jimmy in the hallway]
Cartman: Jimmy, dude, did you see?! Carlos Mencia is taking credit for our joke!
ジミー!見たか?カルロス・メンシアがジョークは自分が考えたってよ!
Jimmy: Really?
ほんと?
Cartman: Yeah dude. I told you this would happen. Now look, I got a lawyer to draw up some patent papers. We’ve got to sign these so that people know that the joke belongs to you and me!
あぁ、こうなるって言ったろ?いいか、弁護士に特許申請書作らせたからおいら達のもんだと知らしめるためにサインしろ。
Jimmy: Aahhm, I don’t know, Eric. I really don’t think I want to sign that very much.
あ・・・どうかな?サインはしたくないな。
Cartman: But Jimmy, some fat turd is taking credit for something he didn’t do!
どこぞのデブウンコが何もしてねーのに自分の手柄にしてんだぞ!
Jimmy: Well, to be perfectly f-f-f-frank, Eric, I think I came up with a little bit more of the joke than you did.
その・・・ぶ・ぶっちゃけるけど。あのジョークは君よりも僕の功績が大きい。
Cartman: What?!
何?
Jimmy: Well, you know, I mean, I basically wrote the thing, and you just kind of ate chips.
つまりさ、僕がほとんど考えて君はポテチ食べてた。
Cartman: Jimmy, that’s messed up. We decided that day to write together. Don’t you remember?
そりゃ、めちゃくちゃだ。あの日一緒にやろうって決めたろ?忘れたか?
[Cartman remembers entering Jimmy’s house]
Cartman: Hey Jimmy, wanna hang out?
ジミー遊ぼうぜ
Jimmy: Sorry Eric, but I’ve gotta write some jokes. Unless you wanna team up or somethin’.
ごめん、ネタ書いててさ、一緒にやるならいいよ。
Cartman: Team up? Okay, let’s write some jokes together.
いいよ。一緒にネタ書こう。
Sarah: Here’s some fishsticks guys. I hope you like fishsticks.
はいフィッシュ・スティックよ。好きでしょ?
Cartman: Do we like fishsticks? What does she think we are? Gay fish? [Jimmy and Cartman laugh, but Cartman notices something on Jimmy’s desk.] Uh oh, look out, Jimmy, it’s a black widow! [gets off the couch, gets a newspaper, walks over to the desk, and smashes the spider dead.]
「フィッシュスティック好きでしょ?」、おいら達何だと思ってる?ゲイフィッシュか?あぶないジミー!クロコケグモだ!
Jimmy: Wow, thanks Eric.
ありがと、エリック。
[Back to the present. Jimmy looks helpless]
Jimmy: Is that… Is that how it happened?
そんな・・・そんなだった?
Cartman: Look, exactly who came up with which part of the joke isn’t even relevant. We had an agreement Jimmy. And if you wanna go back on that now, well then you’re no better than a Jew.
いいか、誰がどこを考えたかは重要じゃない。おいら達は合意したんだ、もしそれを破りたいなら、お前はユダヤよりも最低だ
Jimmy: I’m… I’m sorry?
わ・・悪かったよ。
Cartman: It’s cool man, it’s cool. [turns around and walks away]
いいんだよ、気にするな。
[Kanye West in Concert, night.]
Announcer: Here he is, y’all! Give it up for Kanye West!
それじゃ登場だ!カニエ・ウェスト!
Kanye: [gets onstage] Yo. Ungh. Yo. [turns to look at the audience] Yo, whoa! Whoa, what the hell?! [a lot of audience members carry signs saying that Kanye is a gay fish and that he likes fishsticks]
お?なんじゃ?
Audience: Gay fish! Gay fish! Gay fish!
ゲイ・フィッシュ!ゲイ・フィッシュ!
Kanye: Yo, fuck this noise, yo! [throws down his mic and storms offstage]
うっせーんだYO!
[Kanye’s mansion, living room. He looks at a board while his entourage stands at the other end of the room looking at him]
Kanye: Just doesn’t make any sense, yo. Why is everyone calling me a gay fish?
意味わかんねぇYO、なんでみんなゲイ・フィッシュって呼ぶ?
House: Kanye, look, we all think it would be better if you would just drop it. Ya-you know, I mean, ih-if you don’t get it, you don’t get it.
カニエ、もうやめた方がいいとみんな思ってる。つまり君がわかってないなら無理だ。
Kanye: What do you mean, I don’t get it, House?! I’m a genius. I’ll understand it, I just need to break it down is all. Now let’s see… [he’s writing on a whiteboard. So far he has “Fishsticks + Me = Gayfish”] Somethin’ about fishsticks… interacting with me… makes me gay fish.
わかってないって何だ!俺は天才だぞ。十分わかってる。やめさせるだけだ!それじゃ、フィッシュスティックと俺が合わさって、ゲイ・フィッシュになる。
Aide 1: Kanye, really…
カニエ、まじで
Kanye: Shut up! [looks at the whiteboard again.] Alright, now what do we know about fishsticks? [adds more words to the board] They’re breaded, they’re fried, they’re frozen. Then under me we have rapper, genius. And gay fish are homosexual. They swim. [begins connecting words] Is it because breaded has something to do with genius? Which swims?
だまれ!それじゃフィッシュ・スティックで知ってることは、パン粉がついてる、あげられてる、冷凍保存、そして俺は、ラッパー、天才、ゲイ・フィッシュはホモセクシャル、泳ぐ。パン粉が天才とつながって泳ぐ?
House: No, because you said you like fish dicks, Kanye! Don’t, don’t you get it? You see, fish dicks is a is a play on words.
違う、君がフィッシュ・ディックが好きと言ったからだ、わからんか?フィッシュ・ディックは言葉遊びだ。
Kanye: I don’t need anyone tellin’ me “play on words”! I’m a motherfuckin’ lyrical wordsmith motherfuckin’ genius!
言葉あそびの手ほどきなんていらねぇんだよ。俺は言葉を巧みに操る天才なんだ!
[The boys’ restroom at South Park Elementary, day. Kyle is at the urinal when Cartman walks in a few seconds later]
Cartman: Hey Kyle, can I talk to you for a second?
カイル、少し話せるか?
Kyle: Dude, get out of here! I’m peeing.
失せろ!おしっこ中だ!
Cartman: [walks off a bit] It’s just… I don’t know what to do about Jimmy. I’m starting to think he might try and Jew me out of my half of the fishsticks joke. [Kyle zips up and goes to the sink to wash his hands] I just… need you to teach me some Jew defensive moves, Kyle. Because we really both did come up with it. [Kyle finishes up, grabs a paper towel, wipes his hands dry, and turns to Cartman]
ジミーの事、どうしたらいいんだろ。あいつジョークの権利をオイラから奪おうとしてるのかも。ユダヤの防衛術教えてくれよ。だって2人で考えたんだぜ。
Kyle: You know what, Cartman? I believe you.
いいか、信じてやる。
Cartman: You do?
マジ?
Kyle: Yes, I believe that you believe you helped write that joke. That’s how people like you work! Your ego is so out of whack that it will do whatever it can to protect itself. And people with a messed up ego can do these mental gymnastics to convince themselves they’re awesome, when really, they’re just douchebags! [turns and leaves the bathroom]
あぁ、2人で考えたってお前が信じてるって事をな。それがお前の思考だ。お前のエゴは最悪だから自分を守るためならなんでもする。そういうエゴを持った奴は精神の働きで自分の都合の良いようにしやがる、だから浣腸野郎なんだ。
Cartman: [after some thought] But, I’m sure I helped come up with the joke. Didn’t I?
でも、本当に一緒に考えたんだって、違った?
[Cartman remembers entering Jimmy’s house. This time things go by quickly]

Cartman: Hey Jimmy, what’s up dawg?
ジミー、元気か?
Jimmy: Oh hey Eric. Just workin’ on some jokes.
やぁ、エリック。ネタ書いてたんだ。
Cartman: That’s cool. You wanna write some together? [walks out of view]
じゃ一緒にやるか?
Jimmy: That’d be great! I’ve always wanted to work with you. You’re really funny and you’re totally not fat.
いいね。君とやりたかったんだ。君は面白いし、全然太ってないし。
Cartman: [pulls up a chair] Cool, thanks. Let’s get to work! Now let’s see… something that’s a play on words, I don’t know… fishsticks. You know, ’cause it, ’cause dicks
どうも。じゃやろうか。えっと、何か言葉遊びで・・・フィッシュスティック。ここをディックで
Jimmy: Hey, you’re really onto something there.
それ、いけそう!
Sarah: Hello Eric. Have some chips, because you’re totally not fat at all.
こんにちは、エリック。全然太ってないから、チップスどうぞ。
Cartman: Oh thank you Mrs. Valmer. [she walks off] Now let’s see… The setup could be… “Do you like fishsticks?”
どうもバルマーさん。それじゃ、こうして。「フィッシュ・スティック好き?」
Jimmy: Right. And then I say, “Yeah.”
そしたらこういう「うん」
Cartman: So then I can say, “What are you, a gay fish?”
それで言う、「じゃ何お前、ゲイフィッシュ?」
Jimmy: Oh wow, this is incredible! [something crashes into the house, making it shake violently. Jimmy and Cartman look at the source of the crash. A dragon wanders in]
うわ!これ超すごいよ!
Sarah: What is that?
なに?!
Cartman: It’s a dragon of some kind! Don’t worry, I can save you all! [leaps out of his seat with a sword out of nowhere and slashes the dragon across the chest, making it bleed. It falls on its back all of a sudden. Eric leaps onto its body and stabs the sword into its chest. It dies.]
何かのドラゴンだ!大丈夫!おいらが救う!
Butters: [looks through the window] Hey look, Eric killed a dragon.
見て!エリックがドラゴンを倒した!
Clyde: [opens the front door] He’s the most awesome kid in school!
彼は学校で一番イケてる!
Wendy: And he’s not fat at all.
そして全然太ってない!
Cartman: Thanks you guys!
ありがと、みんな!
[back to the present]
Cartman: Nnnope. No, I definitely helped write the joke. All I can hope is Jimmy doesn’t try and Jew me over.
いや、いや確実に手伝ってる。ジミーがおいらを騙さなきゃいいが
[Kanye’s mansion, living room. He’s written down some more stuff and made more connections on the whiteboard]
Kanye: Is it perhaps that I’m fashionable, and fishsticks are crunchy?
おそらく、俺はおしゃれでフィッシュ・スティックはカリカリ?
Aide 2: Yo Kanye, KANYE! We found him money.
カニエ、カニエ!見つけたぜ!
Kanye: Found who?
何を?
Aide 2: You told us to track down whoever started the whole fishstick thang. We found out who, dawg.
フィッシュスティックを言い出したやつ、探せって言ったろ。そいつ見つけたぜ。
Carlos Mencia: [tied down to a chair in Kanye’s study, his voice shaking] Come on, maaaan. What is this, maaaan? What the fuck is goin’ on maaaan? [Kanye enters the room. His entourage makes way] Oh fuck maaaan, Kanye Wehhst? Noo shiiit maaan, okay look it wasn’t me. I didn’t really start the fishstick thing, alriight?
カモーン、メーン。これ何?メーン。どういうことなの?メーン。ファック、メーン!カニエ・ウェスト!やばい、メーン!オラ違うだ。オラあのジョーク考案してねぇだ。オラーイ?
Kanye: You’re just sayin’ that now ’cause you’re scared.
ビビってそう言ってんだろ。
Mencia: No man it’s truuue. I stole it maaan. I took credit for it ’cause I’m not actually funneee. Come on, maaan, do you know what it’s like? Being a comedian but not being funneee? Come on, Kanye, I just take jokes and repackage them with a Mexican accent, maaan.
ほんと!オラ盗んだメーン!オラ面白くねぇから、自分の手柄にしただよ。カモーン、メーン!どんなか知ってる?オラ芸人になれても面白く無いでしょ?お願い、カニエ、オラただメキシコ訛りで言い換えただけ、メーン!
Kanye: Think you can make fun of me? I’m a genius! I’m the voice of a generation! What are you?!
俺をからかえると思ってるのか?おれは天才で世紀の歌手だ!お前は何だ!
Mencia: Nothing! Look at me maaan. I’m not funny, I steal jokes, my dick don’t work maaan. I got to piss in a plastic bag, man, I got no dick.
何もないだ!ほら、見てメーン!オラは面白くないし、ジョークは盗むし、チンポは役立たず、メーン!ビニール袋におしっこするだ。チンポがないだよ。
Kanye: I ain’t gonna hurt you. I pay people to do that for me.
俺は傷つけねぇ、みんなが俺にしたツケを払ってやる。
Mencia: Awww shih oh no man, come on, I got no dick, man! [Kanye’s men whip out their own back and start whacking Mencia all over. His right hand gets broken, his left shin bleeds. The men stop as Kanye approaches him]
あぁ、やめてメーン!お願い!オラチンポない、メーン!
Kanye: [in Mencia’s face] Now, explain it to me. Why do people think I’m a gay fish?
ほら、説明してみろ。なぜ人は俺をゲイ・フィッシュだと?
Mencia: ‘Cause… ’cause you like fish dicks, man. Come on, maaan. Don’t you get it? Please, just get it, maaan.
あなたが・・・フィッシュディックが好きだから。お願い、メーン!分かんないの?お願いわかって!メーン!
Kanye: Why- Look at me, look at me! [Mencia manages to look at him] I love fishsticks. I love putting fishsticks in my mouth. [waits a while for an answer]
なぜ・・見ろ!こっち見ろ!フィッシュ・スティック好きだ。フィッシュ・スティックほおばるのが好きだ。
Mencia: You’re a- …you’re a gay fish, maaan. [Kanye backs up, swings at Mencia and decapitates him, leaving his head hanging from his body by some skin]
じゃ、ゲイ・フィッシュ、メーン!
[Ellen]
Ellen DeGeneres: Thank you, thank you very much. Well, about a week ago our country was blessed with the fishsticks joke. And ever since then us comedians have been kicking ourselves for not thinking of it. [the audience laughs] But today we have with us the true creators of the fishsticks joke. Please welcome the comedy team of Cartman and Valmer. [Cartman and Jimmy go onstage and sit on the couch facing Ellen] Hey guys!
どうも、どうもありがとう。この1周間、我が国はフィッシュ・スティック・ジョークで華やいでいました。以降、芸人たちはネタ考えなくていいからウキウキでね。しかし今日、あのジョークの真の考案者に来ていただきました。どうぞ、コメディ・チーム、カートマン&バルマー!こんにちは。
Cartman: Hi Ellen. [to the audience] Do you guys like fishsticks? [the audience laughs] Thank you, thank you. No, really. Thank you.
やぁエレン。みんなフィッシュ・スティック好き?どうも、どうも、いやほんとに、どうも。
Ellen: So guys, I gotta ask: how did you come up with this incredible joke?
それで聞きたいの、この素晴らしいジョークはどうやって思いついたの?
Jimmy: It was just a-
それは・・・
Cartman: Ellen, comedy is like a game of racquetball, you know? You serve, and the other person hits it back. It bounces off the wall, you backhand it. And it goes back and forth and back and forth and then hopefully you’ve got a good joke. Thank you.
エレン!コメディはラケット・ボールのようなんだ。サーブしてもうひとりが打ち返す。壁に跳ね返って、それをバックハンド!そうやって行ったり、来たりして、うまくいくと笑いが起こるんだ、どうも。
Ellen: But guys, this joke is so… perfect. Can you explain how nobody thought of it before?
でもこのジョークは、ほんと完璧。なぜ今まで誰も思いつかなかったと思う?
Jimmy: Well Ellen, the tr- tr- tr-
まぁエレン、じ・・じ・・じ・・
Cartman: Truth of the matter is that there has never really been a team like us before. I mean let’s be perfectly honest: a lot of people wouldn’t work with someone who’s disabled. But I see past that. I look beyond Jimmy’s disabilities and find …a bond which can unite us in comedy. Working with crippled people is really …important. [the audience applauds and cheers]
実際、僕らのようなチームが以前にはいなかったからさ。正直言うと、障害者と組むなんて誰もしなかったろ。でも、僕には、ジミーに障害があっても、笑いで絆は結び付けられると読めたんだ。障害者と共にやることは大切なんです。
Ellen: That’s so great. And, and are you crying, Jimmy?
それは素晴らしい。泣いてるの?ジミー
Jimmy: Yes Ma’am. [the best and worst of times for him]
えぇ
Cartman: Ahaw don’t cry, pal. You’re gonna get me started. Anyway, what was really important for us as a team, Ellen, was to make sure that everyone knew that we came up with the joke, and not Carlos Butthole Mencia.
なくなよ。おいらが話してやる。とにかく、僕達っての重要なんだ。ジョークの考案者がみんな知ってた、あのカルロス・ケツメド・メンシアじゃなくてね。
Ellen: I see. And did you know that Carlos Mencia was found dead in his house this morning with fishsticks stuffed down his open neck hole? [Jimmy and Cartman are alarmed]
なるほど。今朝、首がもがれて、フィッシュ・スティックが詰め込まれた、彼の死体が見つかったのはご存じ?
Cartman: Uhhh excuse me? [the crowd gets rowdy.]
あー、はい?
[Kanye’s mansion. He was looking at the show with bat in hand…]
Kanye: Get my jet ready. Looks like we got another inning to play. [walks up to the wall-mounted TV and smashes it with the bat.]
ジェット機の用意。もう1イニングあるようだ。
[Jimmy’s house, day, Jimmy’s room. Cartman and Jimmy enter, with Jimmy still distraught]
Cartman: Alright, so check it out: We’ve got offers from Van de Kamp’s and Gorton’s Fisherman to do commercials.
よし、いいか。冷凍食品の会社からCMのオファーが2件きた。
Jimmy: It’s always been my dream to go on a national TV show and talk about the c-c-craft of comedy.
全国放送で笑いの技術について話すのがずっと夢だったんだ。
Cartman: Yeah, that was kewl huh?
そりゃ、イケてんな。
Jimmy: Eric, there’s something I really need to know.
エリック、君がしっておく事がある。
Cartman: Whassat?
何だ?
Jimmy: How do you live with yourself? You know you had nothing to do with the fishsticks joke.[Cartman gets worried] But you just keep pretending. How do you look at yourself in the f-f-fucking mirror?! That’s what I want to know!
よく平然といられるね。このジョークに君は何の関係も無いことわかってるだろ。なのに考えた振りして・・・どんなツラぶら下げてんのさ。それをわかれよ!
Cartman: So… here it is.
やはり、そうきたか。
Jimmy: How do you take credit for something you didn’t do?!
何もしてないのに自分の手柄にしてさ!
Cartman: That is bullcrap Jimmy, and you know it! I had just as much to do with the fishsticks joke as youdid! [Kanye kicks the bedroom door open and enters the room. His men pour in and start smashing the furniture apart] Dude, it’s Puff Daddy!
ふざけるな!わかってんだろ!お前と同じくらいのことしたって!パフ・ダディだ!
Kanye: Tie up these motherfuckers! [cut to the next scene, in which Kanye swings at a lamp and shatters it, then looks at his hostages] Now I’m gonna ask you motherfuckers one more time: why did you start these rumors about me?!
縛り上げろ!てめぇらにもう一度聞く。なぜ俺のあんな噂がたったんだ?
Jimmy: Please, I wasn’t starting rumors about you. I don’t even know who you are.
お願い!噂なんかたててない。誰だか知らないし。
Kanye: Aw right. Everyone knows who I am! I wanna know how this got started!
みんな俺を知ってる。おれはなんでこうなったか知りてぇんだ!
Jimmy: Well, we, we were just talking about ideas for jokes and then-
そ・・・そのジョーク考えてて
Cartman: Oh, so now it’s we, huh Jimmy? A minute ago you said you did it all yourself!
さっき全部自分がしたって言ったよな?
Jimmy: Well I just but I buh I was, gonna ebeh-
あ・あれは・あば
Cartman: Abebeh, abebebebebeah! We both came up with it together! You wanna know how it happened?!
あばば、あばばばばば。一緒に考えだしたんだ、何があったか知りたいか?
[The fourth recollection. Cartman enters Jimmy’s house in a rather nice outfit and sunglasses]
Cartman: Hello Jim.
よう、ジミー
Jimmy: Oh boy! It’s my best pal, Eric!
おぉ、最高の友、エリック。
Cartman: [moves the glasses back over his cap] What are you up to?
何してる?
Jimmy: I’m trying to write jokes. But I’m not as funny as you, so it’s tough.
ネタ書いてる。僕、君ほど面白く無いから大変。
Cartman: Well, maybe I can help you. We can team up. [goes for a chair]
手伝うよ。組もうぜ。
Jimmy: Ruh really? Wow, you would help me even though I’m crippled. You are caring and not fat.[hands his joke sheet to Cartman as Cartman brings the chair over and sits next to him]
ほんと?障害者に手を貸してくれるなんて君は優しくて太ってない!
Cartman: Now let’s see, how about a joke that has something to do with… fishsticks. You know, ’cause fishsticks sounds like fish dicks, Jimmy.
それじゃ、フィッシュ・スティックのジョークなんかどうだ。フィッシュ・スティックとフィッシュ・ディック、音が似てるだろ。
Sarah: [brings in a plate of potato chips] Eric Cartman, you are handsome and not even remotely fat.
エリック・カートマン。あなたハンサムでちっとも太ってないわね。
Cartman: Thanks. [Sarah walks away] So, what I’m thinking is, “Do you like fishsticks in your mouth?”[something crashes into the house, making it shake violently. Jimmy and Cartman look around.]
どうも。で、考えたのがさ、「フィッシュ・スティック、ほおばるの好き?」
Jimmy: What was that? [Butters opens the door and steps in]
何だ?
Butters: Eric! Eric, you have to save us! An entire army of Jew robots! [outside, everyone scatters as robots march down the street firing off semiautomatic weapons. Cartman runs out to see what’s happening. Butters and Jimmy follow right behind. Officer Barbrady and Mayor McDaniels look on helplessly]
エリック!僕達を助けて!ロボ・ユダヤ軍団だよ!
Cartman: Oh my God, what are Jewbots doing here? [takes off his glasses] Flame on! [becomes engulfed in flames and flies into the air. He then sends streams of flames at the robots, destroying them instantly. He flies back down to his starting point] Flame off! [the flames disappear. Other fourth graders appear: Annie, Millie, Red, Clyde, Token and Wendy]
くそ!ロボ・ユダヤめ!変身!解除!
Wendy: You saved everyone from the Jewbots, Cartman.
ロボ・ユダヤから救ってくれた!
Cartman: Come on, Jimmy, we gotta go back and finish that joke! [runs in and finishes the joke in a flourish. Jimmy walks in] “Like fishsticks in your mouth? What are you a gay fish?” There! [other kids look in]
ほら、ジミー、ジョークを完成させよう。「フィッシュ・スティック、ほおばるのが好き?」「じゃ何、お前はゲイ・フィッシュ?」これだ!
Jimmy: Wow Eric, in-credible! Too bad I’m a dick and I’m gonna take all the credit. Su-su-suck it, bitch!
うわぁ、エリック、すごいよ!僕はチンポ野郎だから手柄独り占めにするよ。
[back to the present]
Cartman: Aw dammit! I guess it really was all me who came up with it.
くそっ!本当はオイラが全て考えてたんだ。
Jimmy: What?!
え?
Cartman: You’ve gotta let Jimmy go, it’s all my fault.
ジミーは放してくれ。おいらのせいだ。
Jimmy: Jesus Eric, he’s gonna kill you! You won’t even admit it was just me, knowing you’re gonna die?
ちょっ!殺す気なんだよ!死んでまで僕のだって認めない気?
Cartman: Jimmy, you really believe that you came up with it all on your own? Oh my God, wait. I totally get it now.
ジミー、ほんとに自分ひとりで考えたと信じてるのか?ちょっとまてよ。わかったよ。
Jimmy: What? I, I still don’t get anything.
俺はなんにも分かんね。
Cartman: All this time I’ve been mad at you, Jimmy, for trying to take all the credit, but, now I realize it’s just that your ego has made you believe things happened differently. That’s what Kyle was trying to tell me. That you have such a huge ego you do these mental gymnastics to make yourself a part of things.
お前が自分の手柄にしようとしてむかついたけど、わかったんだ、お前のエゴが現実と違うことを信じこませた。カイルが言おうとしたことだ。お前のでかいエゴが精神の働きで記憶の一部を作るんだ。
Jimmy: Rih, r-r-really?
ほ・・ほんと?
Cartman: I thought you were just trying to Jew me out of my part of the credit, but now I realize that… some people just have egos that are so out of whack that no matter what people tell them, they can’t accept the truth of who they are. [Kanye looks as if Cartman is talking about him] Jimmy, I owe you an apology. I realize now you can’t help believing you created the entire joke, because your ego won’t let you think otherwise. I just have to accept that.
お前はおいらを騙して独り占めしようとした。けどわかったんだ、とてもひどいエゴを持ってる人がいて、本当にあった事を教えても、その人は受け入れることができない。ジミーおいら謝るよ。お前のエゴが違って思わせるからお前はジョークを作ったと信じざるを得ない。おいらはそれを受け入れなきゃ。
Jimmy: Thanks, Eric, for being so understanding.
ありがと、エリック。理解してくれて。
Kanye: He’s right. For so long I’ve considered myself God’s gift to the world that I couldn’t take it when people made fun of me. But they weren’t makin’ fun of me. They were tryin’ to help me. [walks up to the boys and genuflects before them] Boys I understand what you did now. [to his men]Untie them guys. I know what I have to do.
そうだな。みんなが俺をからかい、止められなかったのは、紙が与えた試練だとずっと思ってた。けど、からかってなかった。助けようとしてたんだ。君たちよくわかったよ。放してやれ、やるべきことがわかった。
[The Santa Monica Pier, furthest point from land. Kanye stands at the edge of the pier ready to jump in]
Aide 2: Yo Kanye! You sure about this?
YO、カニエ!マジでやるのか?
Kanye: It’s time for me to stop runnin’. I need to believe what people tell me. [turns and faces his entourage.] Let all my fans know I love ’em, but a gay fish just can’t live in the outside world forever. Don’t be sad for me guys! [turns around, runs, and dives into the ocean below] I’m goin’ home! [his crew looks down into the water as Kanye begins swimming in his new environment]
偽るのはもうやめだ。みんなが教えてくれた事を信じる。ファンに伝えてくれ、お前らを愛してるけど、ゲイ・フィッシュは外の世界じゃ生きられない。みんな、悲しむな。俺は故郷に帰るんだ!
[The waters off Santa Monica Beach. Kanye is swimming among the fish as a song begins…]
Kanye:

(Uh. Come on.)
I’ve been so lonely, girl, I’ve been so sad and down.
俺は孤独だった、悲しく落ち込んでた。


Couldn’t understand why haters joked around
なぜ、からかわれたか理解できなかった。

I wanted to be free with other creatures like me
自分と似たいきものと自由になりたかった


And now I got my wish…
そして今、願いが叶った。


‘Cuz I know that I’m a gay fish gay fish (Gay fish, yo)
俺は分かった。俺はゲイ・フィッシュ(ゲイ・フィッシュ、YO)


Motherfuckin’ gay fish gay fish (I’m a fish, yo)
マザーファッキン、ゲイ・フィッシュ(お魚YO)


Girl I am a gay fish gay fish (it’s alright, girl)
俺はゲイ・フィッシュ(イッツ、オーライ、ガール)


Makin’ love to other gay fish gay fish (Unh)
他のゲイ・フィッシュと愛し合う。


All those lonely nights at the grocery store
スーパーで孤独な夜をすごし


In the frozen fish aisle feeling like a whore
凍った魚は陳列されてる、まるで娼婦のよう


‘Cuz I wasn’t being true even though everyone said
切り替われとみんなが言ってたが


That I had to make a switch (dead fish)…
素直じゃなかった


Now I know that I’m a gay fish gay fish (Gay fish, yo)
そして今オレはゲイ・フィッシュ(ゲイ・フィッシュ YO)


Motherfuckin’ gay fish gay fish (I’m a, I’m a fish, yo)
マザーファッキン、ゲイ・フィッシュ(お魚YO)


Girl I am a gay fish gay fish (Yes, now where I belong, girl)
俺はゲイ・フィッシュ(今、あるべきところにいる)


Making love to other gay fish.

[During the song, the following happens: Kanye begins to swim like a fish. He spots a yellow fish and lets it circle him a few times. He then hugs it and takes it to the surface. He then gives it a French kiss, then flips backwards into the water with it. He swims again, alone, when a large fish begins to follow him. He notices, swims to it, and begins to rub against it. Then he just swims with it, hugging its belly.]
[End of Fishsticks.]

 

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